Things Change. People Change.

Finally, you have posted in your blog about everything and that you have cleared your head. Well, that is good rather than you bottle it up. Ok so I read it already and yes, I'm going to comment on your posts in details. FYI, I am not doing this deliberately to hurt you even more or for being just a bitch; but simply because I want to give a piece of my mind. And I hope you would appreciate it too. So I did step by step. ORANGE COLOUR IS YOUR POST IN YOUR BLOG.

Seen any heartfelt posts from me recently?Nope, I guess not. I'm living a life. And I try to make it the best life I'm gonna have. All those emo posts, the ones that I do not want to let ANYBODY read are in my other blog. You can say I'm having funfunfunfun every single day. But have you read my other blog? I don't think so.

Ok, how could I read and know when I wasn't even invited to your blog??????? If I had known earlier, maybe I thought I would be more merciful. I mean it's only common if I were to feel devastated when we had this problem for quite some time, and yes, when I go your blog, it looks like you had only but FUN. You could let me in your PRIVATE blog and maybe slowly I would know your feeling better. But no, when I heard about your new blog, of coz it is only human for people to think ' ok so she had a private blog and I am eager to know coz yes, I was once a close friend. I wana know her part of the story too. But wait, I am not invited!! Why is it so?? Ok ni confirm she talk about me and the rest. Beh tanak bilang kita la. like what the hell!! ' Dont deny, coz if you were in my shoes, you would feel that way. The evil assumptions and all. So how was I to know? How was we to know??? If what you said is true, you could let us in and maybe we could understand you at the very least. But you make it like your running away from the situation and not caring a hoot about it. Even maybe, when you knew deep down you knew you were super sorry and you want to make things better, but you didnt show it as much as you could. And of coz people might assume that you didnt care. remember, ACTIONS SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS. And procrastination never is a good thing.

Things change, People change. That's what you said. I can't help but wondering, Do you really believe in that? And do you actually accept that?' Times are changing and I have to agree. Sure, everyone have new friends. Including me and I cannot deny that. Life is unfair and unjust. Like I've said, I may have new friends, but that doesn't mean I'm ditching you guys. I have to set aside some time with my family, you and the rest. I'm sorry too cos I know I have been apart with you guys for so long. I wonder, if I were to be still at ITE Bishan and not transferred to Simei, would this problem start? I would think our friendship would gradually lessen, just like ours with Muni. What I miss, I REALLY MISSED and regret letting go was with Fizykal & Co I regret letting them go, them Liyana, Zhiwen and Fito. The old days, the kental days where we'd do stupid things and experience the new. The time we'd take any random bus and get lost. The time we smoked, our first sip of alcohol.

I do believe things change and that people change. And it could be for the better or for the worse. But for us, it seems its the latter. Well life is unfair and unjust. blah blah blah. We humans take advantage of these phrase to use it as our excuse to cover up something or other things. YES. ok. It is true. Life is unfair and unjust but only to a certain extent and it is only for certain circumstances. But for me, it's we humans who can always makes a difference in our life. We control our life. We determine our life in what way it should be. It all depends on our choices. And choices have consequences ( We learned it from Adam Khoo, OI!). Again, it could be a good one or a bad one. And in my perspective, when it comes to family, friends and studies, we can determine ourselves in what way it should be. We are responsible for how things are handled and how the outcome turns out. Yes, I believe in that. You can't say oh mum I'm a bad child for you. Sorry life is unfair. And in other way, you just can't say, I'm sorry if I did that to you, my friends. Life is unfair. NO. You can barely well did things your way. It's whether you want it or not. It's that simple. And I am sorry looks like you did not do the best for me and the rest. Again, I feel this way because ALMOST EVERYONE can do it so why can't you? They could handle their times for each every things so damn good, why can't you? But it is ok la. It doesnt matter now anymore questioning this. Its over.

Ok now I am touching about if you were to transferred to ITE Bishan. Seriously, would you really feel that way? That you think our friendship will lessen? Now I am questioning you. I thought there should be faith and confidence in a friendship? So why must you feel that way? So you're using Muni as an example. Well, to me that is ridiculous. Muni will always be part of us ( if you still feel that way) and our friendship can never be changed. At least, I do feel that way still. But yes, she has not been with us. But why? You should bloody know the reason. Imagine if her parents werent to strict, I think we would still be as close meeting her everyday. I know her. I can feel that she still treat us as her close friend. Do you feel that way too?? Or what??
It's just that because Muni is in a diff sch and from last time we know even in EVSS, that Muni is the kind that she have to go home straight after school and cant go out on weekends either. But just thankfully, when we were in the same sch, she can lie to her parents. But now in ITE, it seems really hard coz her mom knows her schedule all. So she cant lie. But still, if she had an opportunity to meet us, she would do that right away. I can assure you. And in her case I can say her life is unfair. She really cant go out coz she got super strict parents. So we can say her life is unfair!

And just take a look at our bunch of friends zyk. You know our group group of friends arent all in the same school so you cant say schools can determine or change the friendship. Look at Hasif. Is he in ITE SIMEI? NO. AFAD? NO.DANIEL? NO. HERDA? NO.EEKA? NO. So I dont see the reason why you have a perception that if you're in a diff sch, our friendship might lessen. Coz I knew my feelings for you as a friend will never change. This are what friendas. No matter what circumstances, friendship should not be changed easily. If yes, then that means the friendship isnt strong.

On Fizykal and Co., yes of course I missed them really badly. I really do. But the situation was different during that time. Me and you, together were in the process of different things. Like just getting know of Surfers. You know having a different lifestyle. Coz fizykal was from a group of classmate friends but Surfers, is where diff people meet together. So maybe we were eager and all to have this wonderful new friends and all. And you know being with them changed your lives. Its what you have become now. The girl who mixes easily with people( ur a pendiam dulu eh hehe), the girl who goes to gigs...it all started with them. All those memories. It's a whole new level.

Were there fights during the last 5 years? Obviously Faizal, and you know it. Always, always, a third person. First Rumi, then Fito, then Syameen. But NOW?? I always tried to just get on with whatever I had and let bygones be bygones. I remembered shedding alot of tears for you in those years. And yet, we're still together. Least for now. If you can try and make this situation like some kind of passing phase like I try to do last time, I would definitely appreciate it. We'll talk. But now I know that you're having your own problems and that you yourself have admitted that you've changed. And I cannot be the person to help you through cos you've stated that too. I cannot blame you for getting mad at me. I cannot blame you cos I've put it on me.
I'm changed, you're changed. But we're still friends and that's all that matter. I may have not become you're bestfriend anymore, or maybe your closefriend, but perhaps just a normal ordinary friend that we just say 'HI!' and BYE! to, but its a shame. A shame that 5 years of love is down in vain.

Yes there were quite alot of fights during those 5 years. If I could recall a miracle or a wonderful thing that happened in my life before, It would be that we had been through so much for 5 years! But if you can recall, the problem of yours had happened for quite alot of times.It's just that this time, it includes me( why??). Remember you and syameen? She didnt like you coz she cant tahan your attitude. And at that period of time almost all of our classmates and other students dont like you. Yes, they were really mean la. And I was foolish to follow them for awhile. But sumpah, last time you are really super irritating and very attitude girl la. Then we met Sheedah. The another close friend of ours. A girl whom we claimed is like our 2nd mother. Then regarding you attitude problem, remember we had a confessional talk just 3 of us? When we tell evrything abt u. We cried I remember. We just wanted you to change coz yes, no matter how sucky a friend is, we must always give a helping hand. So we did. And yes, slowly you changed to be a better person. Then, a year after, things changed again. We 2 wasnt in the same class with our lovely Sheedah. We then met new friends we loved. Muni...Wan!!! Yes. they became our good frens. But then, still I remember not forgetting our old friend, Sheedah. But I remember you did!! And I can tell you now how sad and dissapointed Sheedah was at that point of time. You didnt know that right? She told me, ' zyk makin berubah eh.' and there was a day when you went out with muni all but I insist to be with sheedah. I insisted you to be with us too but you didnt want to ( that can really see how you dont know how to balance your time). So end up me and sheedah talks about you. She told me alot of things la and it saddens us. You know it's about her and you. Im sure you remember the times that I told you that you should be with sheedah more often and all? Ingat tak? Another one, Yuhaniz. The times where you chose to go with her rather than me. I cried alot those periods but you dont know right????????? And most probably you thought I was the shitty one at that point of time. But at the end of the day, you came back to me because you know Yuhaniz was the shitty one and you finally realised she's not a good friend. Tell me about it. I've been through and done alot of things for you. Let me just tell you now. Alot of people still hating you . Not hate la but hate your attitude. People are still asking me how I can tahan you, but it never bothers me la coz a friend is someone who appreciates who they are right.

Now you finally know the reason why I am sooo heartbroken coz I felt really betrayed. I just couldnt take it anymore. Yet I should knew it all along this would happen. Since it happens not just once to our friends in what you have done to them. And yes what a shame we lose a 5 years of friendship. But I realised that its not a matter of time. Friends are based on how deep the friendship is and the bonding and how you prioritize them.

I'm sorry, to only you to you: For the ton part, I would very much appreciate if you could read back on my older posts on how come I can overnight. Its very simple. Its just a click away. =)))))
AND, don't get all hyped up to be. Its between me and Faizal. Oh and one more thing, don't actually believe in what I post every single time. It could be true, it could be faux. So keep your comments to yourself. OK?

I am sorry if my lovely friends are nosey. They are just what friends would do if one of their friend is sad or angry. They are the ones who can call themselves friends coz they would do anything to comfort their friend. Even if they did too much to you, all they wanted was to make me smile again. And yes they did, not because of what that they did to you, but they would actually did to that extent. I am really touched by them. And I hope you and your other friends all the best.

And don't forget, even if Wan is so damn rude and sarcastic in his entry about you, he is still the one who brought us to the rest of friends. U think back again, without him, will we know the others? The others who brought joy and colours into our world. If we do not know them, I think our life will be like nothing...very dull. They taught us alot and u know we owe them alot.

If I were the old Faizal, I would have already solve this problem and give in, and evrything will be like normal. I know I am selfish now. We could have save the frienship, I think we could you know. But there's just too much for me to swallow, I cannot tahan. Furthermore this year was like a fucked up year and you had to add salt to the wound. And looks like the wound will take really really long to heal! So again, I'm sorry it have to be this way. But I changed. And I changed because of you, whether you wana deny it or not.

The times I thanked God for having a good/close/best friend like you.

The times we/you call these group of friends of ours a family.

I am just dissappointed and loss for words. Ok maybe what I did was a little too much. My personal message, my past blog entries and all. But what I did was what an angry best friend would do to seek for attention from his friend. To at least get a reaction from his best friend. But nothing happens. It almost seems you don't care a hoot about it. If it is true what you said that you still care for the friendship, why can't I see any effort from you? For the past weeks, I put a brave front that I don't mind losing you after what you did, but deep inside, I do care for you coz of all the friendship we have built be it good or bad. Yet, nothing expresses how you feel about this matter. It almost seems like you don't care. Maybe I took it seriously. Or maybe you think it's just a slight matter?

Everytime me and the rest of friends read your blog, everyone is stunned. Like wow, she's enjoying her life so much huh? Wait is it wrong to have fun? No it's not. But can't she see the messages her friend is trying to convey? Is like she's having so much fun..is she sharing with her other friends? Friends that shared their fun with her once many times. So from your blog entries, it looks like nothing has happened in your life and you are so happy; when everytime we read your blog, we felt angry and pissed off. Everyone said, ' wah banyak masa dia untuk dgn orang lain. Untuk kita, punyalah susah.' Tell me, what am I supposed to say? It is the truth that we are stating.

Regarding the Live N Loaded, yes I was pissed off. But I believe your other friend is more upset. She is none other than Shikin. 1stly, you didnt tell me about the tix. I thought you would bring me seriously. But nvm. What you said is somehow true. I dont like gigs. So that is the excuse you gave why you didnt bring me. What about Shikin??? I thought you said you are going with her?? So I asked Shikin, and she said this to me. '' Ya she said she wanted to bring me. But she didnt actually bring me at last. She didnt even inform me. I was shocked la when I read her blog and find out she left me!!''

You really showed like you dont care for us anymore. And yes, I do feel like I'm a second hand friend!! Wow, so you meet us coz you are bored and you have no plans kan?? Seriously I had enough. I feel soooo devastated. And I'm feeling even worse coz it seems like you don't take this thing seriously. Macam takda hal gitu. I was expecting something from you. I thought you could do something about it. But no, you did not. I really don't know If I should call you a close friend of mine anymore or not. I've been through alot of shit and all and you weren't there for me. I had alot and alot of problems going on yet you are busy. Ok busy with your studies is definitely fine. But busy accompanying your friends to eat( like almost everytime) it looks like it is more important. It really hurts alot coz I want you to be the one sharing my problems with but you are no longer there anymore. I totally give up. Tell me how many times these problems come and I am always the one to correct it.

I really don't understand you. You have changed alot. I don't know. you said this to me once and I'm gonna say it back to you. Who are you and what have you done to ZYK??

DONT CONTACT ME ANYMORE IF CAN. NO IM NOT TRYING TO GET RID OF YOU IN MY LIFE. I JUST WANT SPACE AND TIME FROM YOU FOR THE MEAN TIME COZ I WANT TO ENJOY LIFE TOO. I DONT WANT TO BE THE ONE SUFFERING WHILE YOU ARE SOOOOO HAVING MUCH FUN IN YOUR LIFE LIKE AS IF NOTHING HAPPEN GITU.

Oh, and fyi, I am not interested with the live n loaded tix. It was a test to see who you would actually cared to bring ah. And aku orang jiwa. Even if you have a tix for me, but not for the rest of OUR friends ( I remember I thought shikin was supposingly your gig partner), I wont go. So forget about it. The answer is clear already.

You see, I dont want my posts to always be about friends, but seriously, my friends are the ones that are keeping me strong every day. Go to wan's blog, Herda's blog and here they were talking about friends. And I am really touched once again that I am both posted in both their blogs as one of the good friends that they loved so much. It really means alot to me. Because you see, I have already lose a close friend but these friends are the ones that made me realise that there are still friends that cares about their friendship so much. And God bring me these wonderful friends in my life. In fact, the bonding between us has tighten and I'm thankful.

Went out with wan and shikin on Friday. Had really alot of laughters. Like really alot until me and wan almost wanted to vomit!!! LOL. Then at night ton with dancers at Tampines as they were having an overnight practice. Farah, Sam, Herda, Black were there too. Yeah 1st time Surfers actually went to ton with the dancers to accompany their practice. Very funny la coz Farah, Herda & Sam tried to learn how to dance. Very cute.

On Saturday, went out to town with Wan, Herda & Eeka. It's us 4 again. Yeah it's quite some time since we went to town.

Sorry no pictures for the outings. Next time perhaps.

Just get back home after working at the family stall. Business were good today. That's a relief. Later meeting Wan & Andreas. They have dance practice at Tampines. Maybe Herda is coming down too and I wanna see her new laptop! Lucky her la. Haha. And I can't wait on Saturday. Time to enjoy again!

Oh and guess what?? I have a big bottle of Nacho Cheese in my house! Best right?? My cousin gave it to the family. Ok random.

And I wana put a special post for Wan, my another current close friend. So yesterday I told him about the friends test in which I posted earlier. And his reply was, " True, your friends love you". And I was like ' wow, thank you'. Then he continued '' you're my close friend sia''. HAHA! To those who knows Wan, you know that he's not the type who said something like that! Very rare ah. But he's been different nowadays. As in better la. He gives people advise and all. Very surprising. Good good.

FRIENDS

I took an online test about friends. I know it's lame but no harm doing it. So below is the result.

What does being a friend really mean to you?

You value your friendships: 70%

You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends.

my opinion:

As much as I shouldn't believe it, somehow I do have to agree. I may be big and all but my heart is very fragile. I am sensitive when it comes to this, that is when I started being paranoid and naive, and the fear of losing a friendship coz I really love all of my friends. Time to time I said this. As much as I've said that I've move on, still fact is I don't. I do hope things would be better and I wana try my best to keep the friendship going but yet I had enough trying yet the other party wouldn't. See now, it is a worry coz I think too much about friends coz for all I know, they think I'm being a such a nuisance for being too deep in these too. So let it be.

Danceworks

So yesterday I did went to to Danceworks with friends. Congrats to Fantastic Boys for getting through to the finals. I think they did a fantastic job! Fantastic Girls were good too, all of them were super hot. Hehe. Unfortunately they didn't get through but at least they did the best they could I guess.

Family

It's been exactly a week I helped the family with the stall. Yes, consistently. Have been going home quick for the week. I actually went home around 10 + nowadays. And I have been waking up at 6am!!! Haha. wonderful right? If only I could do the same during school times. Which in fact, I have never in my ITE life! And the best part is that I am happy because my mum did not nag at me at all. Very peaceful my life these days. All I can see is a smile on her face, like finally. I do not have the intention to make her angry anymore. I like the way it is now.

Finally, random pictures for you. I will upload pictures during Danceworks once I got it from friends.

Me & good friend, Shikin

My small little nephew, Danish! Cute right? Like his uncle.

I can't sleep now. Woke up at 1am!!Haha. But that's because I slept at 1pm. Anyway, I can't wait for Danceworks this coming Saturday!! My good friends, Andreas & Fie are joining with Fantastic Crew. And I can't wait to see the item they will be doing. And I will get to meet my other beloved friends too who will be there supporting them. Other well-known crews will be there too. So peeps if your free, do come down. Danceworks will take place at Plaza Singapura. Time is ard 1pm I think??? And I'm saving up money for 13 March. Planned to go St James but it is yet to be confirmed I think. But I hope we'll go la. Wanna enjoy like how I used to. Promise me it will happen, zyk? This is your way to redeem urself!! Hahaha jk :D

Finally I went out today after 2 days at home. So I've been really helping out my family with the stall. I feel better now coz I guess I am stabilising my time to be with my family by working at the family stall and spending time with my friends. So today I went to accompany wan for his dance practice at Dome. Before that I went to buy a new earpiece for my mp3. I just bought a simple and cheap earpiece that costs me only $7.90. Haha. Herda, Afad & Shikin was there too at Dome. So we spend time together once again. Best. After practice was over, me, Andreas, Herda, Shikin, Afad & Wan lepak under the block near Tampines block. I was bored for awhile coz everyone was doing their own stuffs and I decided to camwhore with Herda. LOL. I know I hate taking pictures but it doesn't kill to take at times. :D

I still feel nauseous now. Bcoz of those booze I guess. Hate this feeling. Yet it is good too coz I won't have the mood to eat ALOT. Haha. Anyway just really had fun with Ayeen, Fie all.

Somehow I wanna know how fun 2009 will be for me. Coz all I knew, 2008 was the best year I ever had with friends. I really miss all those times. I can't help it but to remember the fun times I had with my circle of friends. The beginning of this year doesn't look that fun to me. I don't know why but there seems to be alot of quarrels and misunderstandings and it sucks coz everyone tends to go their seperate ways currently. But of coz I do hope everything will be fine soon. Who knows what happens in months to come??

Below are simply the best moments I could recall last year 2008.

Limited KX's

Had fun dancing with my group. But it's over for me now (dancing) . Still, I do enjoy accompanying my friends to practice. Supporting my beloved friends for their several comps especially Wan, Andreas & Sue and gave them the moral support. Remember those times we ton. The best would be with Andreas, Fie & Ayeen. We really ton alot. Haha. Really memorable. I miss those laughters and the talks we had always.

Surfers

It's fun going out with a big group. Weekends usually spent with them to town. I really love them as my company. This bunch of friends really made your day with them. I miss those periods where me and wan would go to Downtown East or 424 CC to accompany Herda and the rest while they were studying for their 'O' levels. Another part which I liked the most is the period where me, wan, zyk, farah, nitro and shikin would go to Sam's house. Swimming at the pool, drinking, did the so-called club in Sam's room and LG(Haha to Shikin). Then on weekends, we would go to town and after that, everyone would proceed to Herda's house to ton together and watched dvds. And the best moment ever is of coz during the acting shoot. That I have to say is where I am starting to get close with Nitro, Farah & Sam. I am really grateful I get to act and having you guys there with me, supporting and encouraging me. And I love clubbing with them too. The best clubbing partners would be Nitro( the best of coz), Shikin, Eeka, Wan, Farah & Sam. I miss those times la soooo much!! But now, I don't know why I dont see these funs anymore. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

Nitro & gang ( Shikin, Afad, Dan, zyk, Wan)

I always like going out with them. They taught me alot of stuffs about how to be confident, to be brave, boosting your self-esteem. I missed those times we went cycling!! Remember that we cycled from Pasir Ris to Harbourfront??? Then we made music too all thanks to Nitro. Haha. And I knew we always went to Shikin's neighbourhood playground then we played blind mice and all. We were like kids ah! But it was fun trying to be young at times.

All I hope 2009 would be another great year with friends